Tag Archives: cleaning

I Will Want What I Have, Even If That Is Nothing At All

I’m going through my closet and weeding out clothes that I do not wear and ones that I really ought to stop wearing.  I peeled a frayed pair of underpants right off of my body and threw them in the kitchen trash.  Then, I stared at them in triumph.  I do not have to keep wearing these just because I technically still can.

I was planning to pare down my belongings in anticipation of a move to a different apartment.  Then, I took a brutally realistic look at my finances and knew that the smartest thing to do for now is just to re-up on my current lease.  So, I looked around me and sighed.  Stuck again.

So, I told myself that if this is my home, then I am going to make it matter. I am still going to purge the trash, deep clean it, and since I couldn’t afford the move, I will try to afford a few small upgrades.  Those are TBA.  Junk goes first.  Curtains might be nice.

I am going to want what I have.  And when I have nothing at all, I will be grateful for the simplicity that it brings.  Right now, I am just sort of staying in my space.  I am occupying a rented unit.  The goal is to make this a home.

I live here.  I LIVE here.  I’m going to relax a little.  I’m going to say this is okay.  I am going to accept it and try so very hard not to be resentful.  Sometimes this space feels like an impossible emptiness.  Sometimes I do too.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Somebody said once, “You are enough.”  I keep telling myself to believe it.  Snapshot_20160905_10